November has long been known to be the month of thanksgiving, both literally and figuratively; a time when people are ready dig deep within themselves, to pull out the gratitude that they’ve overlooked all year. It’s a noble endeavor—I guess. Or, maybe it’s just a way for some of us to feel less like jerks and more like decent human beings. Whatever the reason, I’ve made the decision to be apart of the fun– first, as a show of solidarity with my fellow women and men, but most importantly, because I thought it would be fun to list legitimate things for which I’d like to give thanks.
Here are my Top 10:
- The Death of the Bathroom Selfie! Just Why? Why do legions of people, year after year, ruin perfectly great pictures with a bathroom! What happens in the bathroom? Exactly! It’s that visual, that knowledge, that aura that seeps through the image and into the minds of innocent viewers like me, who’re simply trying to scroll through our timelines in peace– to see something funny, or maybe beautiful perhaps, without the addition of a bathroom stall!
- The End of Headphone Interruptions. Again, why? What is so important that you must talk to me, or ask me a question when I have my headphones on? Did you not get the memo, or forget your contacts? How is it possible to not see the gadgets protruding from my ears? I think I can safely speak for earphone wearers all over the world when I say this: headphones on, or in ears means “I’m listening to music and don’t want to conversate (I know that isn’t a word)! At any rate, however, if you still must disturb me, it better be for someone’s broken bone!
- The Dismantling of The Grammar Police! Because many people are unaware, I think I’ll share this here: Social Media IS NOT school, or college, university, the workplace, or anything of the like! Mrs. Funklemieser, our third grade grammar teacher, has long since retired, so consequently, the Grammar Patrol should follow suit. Now, don’t get it wrong, we’re all proud that you all can correctly decipher between, “sorry for your loss”, not “lost”, and that you know when to properly use the words there and their, and lose and loose. Other than that, however, are your services really needed? I’m going to go out on a limb and say the answer is probably not!
- The Disappearance of Chain Messages and People who Send Them! Like, really, you don’t think I have enough useless information thrown at me in a day that I need you to add Toothless Sally’s Gospel Fail video to my inbox? Or, a generic “I think you’re the greatest” GIF that reads, “Forward to ten other women and then back to me if you think I’m great too!” Well, I’m sorry, but I can’t; I have something that normal adults like to call, priorities, which don’t include forwarding random messages just because a dancing GIF tell me to!
- The Absence of Sweaty Workout Photos! You’re getting in shape and I love it—your progress is phenomenal; Your transformation—inspiring! Still, I don’t want to see your sweat—no one does! Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, some people do, but to many of us it’s gross and to others, well, it’s just fat shaming in disguise. How about pictures of your new body in say, regular clothes, after you’ve showered and gotten dressed—now, I’m sure all of us would be fascinated by that!
- Potato Chip Bags Not Filled with Air! Now this phenomenon is getting ridiculous: At first, chip manufacturers were only putting air in the top of bags filled with mostly chips. Today, however, chip bags are filled with almost equal parts air and chips! If this trend continues, the chips themselves will eventually just be air!
- Dollar Menus That Don’t Lie! Okay, I realize the the value of a dollar is decreasing, but, I’m still going to need the majority of the items on any dollar menu to actually be a dollar! A quarter, a dime, a nickel, or even a penny more cheapens the sanctity of the dollar menu and tarnishes it’s good, cheap, name.
- No Calls or Knocks on my Door! You could very well have the deal, service, or message of a lifetime, however, if your attempt to make me aware of it requires that you to knock on my door, or call me, when I don’t know you or when you weren’t invited—I don’t like you, nor do I care about your deal! Now, if you’re thinking that this attitude will possibly make me miss out on something great one day, like a year of cheap cable or the saving of my soul (by the proselytizers), I’ll wholeheartedly agree. Still, if it means keeping my sanity and preserving my privacy, I’m willing to take the chance!
- The Reversal of Made-up Holidays. Sure, it was cute when they added Grandparents Day to the roster and even National Teachers Day! Two very important groups within our society that deserve to be celebrated and recognized, but of course, after that, no one wanted to be left out. Now, there’s Siblings Day (April 10), Postal Workers Day (July 1), Aunt and Uncles Day (July 26) and Best Friends Day (June 8) in the line up. And even that wasn’t good enough because the animals felt left out. So what did we do? We added National Love Your Pet Day (February 22) and good ol’ Groundhog Day (February 2,) to the mix. But, then that omitted the things; so we came up with National Hat Day and Coffee Day (January 15, September 29), just to make us more insane.
- The Day We All Have World Peace! This might be the last item on my Thankful List, but it’s definitely the most important of all. If the world were filled with more love and people actually who actually got along, I’d be able to overlook headphone interruptions and unsolicited knocks on my door. Hell, I might even accept those silly air chips! That might be wishful thinking I assume, but who says wishing is bad? Until then, I’ll just stand by my first nine things and be thankful when they come!
What are some things you will be Thankful for when they finally come to pass? Let us know in the comments below!