It’s Not Your Looks? 6 Reasons Men Find You Unattractive!

So, men are visual creatures, huh?  At least that’s the story women have been sold for eons and by the current state of the modern day female, it would appear as if we have truly bought into that narrative.  And why shouldn’t we.  You can’t open up your phone or computer, turn on your television, or check-out peacefully at the grocery store, without being bombarded with images of what men expect to see from women.  Thin, but curvy, natural, but with all the right accentuations, confident, but with a girlish undertone, and sexy, but with a virginal flair—women like that are on every magazine and public platform.  But, women like that are not us!giphy-18.gif

Nevertheless, we still buy into that narrative—that men care mostly about how we look.  Hell, even God, who by all accounts is a man, is apparently visual too.  For six whole days he was said to have made a plethora of things, some pretty important, like the sun and the earth, but it wasn’t until he laid eyes on these creations that he declared them to be good.  See?  Visual Man!

Still, despite all of our knowing and doing, as evidenced by our annual investments into the trillion dollar beauty industry here in America, women are still ending up alone.  And for black women, the statistic are worse.  According to an article from Hype Hair, Black women outspend non-Blacks nine to one on ethnic hair and beauty products alone. [1]  If that weren’t already bad, Black women are still the largest demographic of unwed/never married women in the U.S. [2]

I look too damned good to be at this party by myself!

So what gives? Well, maybe we’ve been going about this attraction thing all wrong.  Maybe us gals did good on the one hand, by focusing on our outward appearance, while screwing up more important things in the process.  Maybe we forgot to look beyond the male’s propensity to be visual, to the parts where they also like to see women shine.  So, to help, I’ve put together a list of  6 things that men are likely looking for in a woman, that have absolutely nothing to do with looks!  Maybe, by focusing on these things, in addition to our exteriors, we can see more women boo’d up and wed.

Let me take out my list….
  1. Men want women who have substance! Contrary to the bumbling idiot stereotypes that media often portrays them as being, men actually do have brains, and want women who have them as well!  Can you talk about anything interesting?  Are you able to share your goals?  Do you even know what’s going on in the world?  Real men aren’t dumb, or mindless and they won’t just be mesmerized by your ravishing good looks.  Good men will have great dialogue, opinions and ideas, and will expect as much from any woman they entertain.

    Female: “Oh, so you mean you want to eventually have sex?”
  2. Men want women who aren’t prude! Sex—yes, there it is– that big, bad, dirty word that has some women living in fear. These are the ones who won’t even broach the subject on a date, or who’ll demonize a man for even considering them in that way.  The reality is, most healthy men will probably have an active sex drive and will naturally anticipate sex—with you.  There is likely no bigger turn-off for a man, than a woman who imitates Mother Theresa, or who acts like sex wouldn’t be as fun for them as it would be for the man.   Definitely unattractive behavior.
  3. Men want women who don’t constantly complain. Some women have their problems set to default; ask them how their day was, they’ll go into a diatribe of the co-workers they can’t stand.  Take them to a nice restaurant, they’ll complain about the food.  Ask them about the weather?  Well, it’s always too hot or too cold.  Women like these missed the Goldilocks memo that says some things in life are just right, and are a definite turn off to good men.
  4. Men want women who are emotionally stable! When a woman doesn’t know whether or not she’s coming or going, it leaves everyone around her confused .  One day she wants a relationship, the next day, she doesn’t.  The minute she and her partner disagree, she tells him he isn’t the one, but just a week ago, they were soulmates.  Her behavior is exhausting and her moods are ever changing; No good man wants to stick around for that!

    Wait, what personality am I dealing with again???
  5. Men want women who don’t view them as expendable!  Women like these don’t need a man—rather, they’re like an accessory and expendable—and they’re quick to make that point abundantly clear.  Any companion, partner, lover, significant other, and possible husband, who comes into their life, is just there to accentuate the wonderful existence they already have, and are dispensable under the right (or wrong) circumstances.  But, here is the deal: Good men, just like good women, love to feel needed; not like an object that someone likes, but would be fine living with or without.
    Her: “You’re cool and all, but just know I don’t need you!  Okay?”


  6. Men want women who have self-control!  Women typically are the more verbal sex, and as such, we often have a powerful way with words.  Sometimes, however, we use that power to spew out some pretty horrific things; specifically, words that can crush a man to his core and shrink him several feet.  What’s worse though, is that some women go even further and become aggressive with men, and both of these behaviors are not cool.  Just like women don’t want to be belittled or touched aggressively by their partners, men want the same things too.  Nothing is probably more of a turn off, than a woman who can’t control her actions and words.

    The Homie: “Dawg, she just mushed me, it wasn’t nothing!”

Women, let us hear from you!  What do you think about this list?  Is it realistic?  What would you add or take away?  Men, we REALLY want to hear from you.  What are you looking for in a woman other than her looks?





24 Replies to “It’s Not Your Looks? 6 Reasons Men Find You Unattractive!”

  1. This is interesting to read and have some point. Anyone can’t say that both parties will have stable feelings or a relationship. Women want assurance because of that.


  2. I couldn’t agree more. Your writing is so on point! Loved everything about your article – from the information you sent to the tone of your words! You have spoken the truth! Sending lots of love and positive vibes to you!


  3. I really like the way you laid out all the areas in which women can improve. Looks aren’t everything and we shouldn’t make them the focus of every conversation. Kudos!


  4. oh you can say that again! Your post is absolutely on point, each of 6 points is so very right!


  5. I agree with this. A real man will not look into your physical look. Sometimes I am a complainer and my husband really hates me for that.


  6. YES!!!!!! We are ADULTS men want women with drive ambition & have goals set out for themselves!!! I love this! I so agree!


  7. Great post. And agree with the points. I guess same for both the partners. We all need someone we can count on.


  8. Its actually a case to case basis. depends on the situation really. don’t generalize all though hehe


  9. Men can just count me out then because I’m a complainer😂 I’ll happily finish out my days in solitude with my son. No sweat off my back🤷🏻‍♀️


  10. I think men would find a woman most attractive when she is just herself. No matter what. Thanks for sharing this.


  11. I’m with you on the “feeling needed” part. I think that definitely goes both ways! For sure!


    1. So these points I agree with some of them I don’t personally – but interesting take on what some guys want.


  12. I really hope number 1 is true because I feel like the media loves to portray dumb girls as being the cute girls. Unfortunately, I feel like women like to play that role… or maybe I have just seen it often. As a woman, I love being around people of substance and having meaningful conversations about various topics. But I notice that a lot of my friends who are still single (and we are in our 30’s) still love to talk about insignificant topics like gossip, celebrities and reality TV. Maybe they wouldn’t be single if they had a little substance?


  13. I enjoyed this post!!! Nobody wants a moaner thats for sure!!!


  14. This is an interesting read, thanks for sharing these tips 😉 And the GIFs you inserted into the post are spot on :)) 😉


  15. I think the “complainer” is soo true! We all need someone to make our lives better not bring us down. Misery might love company but I don’t want to be the company! 😉


  16. I know looks doesn’t guarantee or determine any relationship that want to be stable, honestly the 6 are the top why most men find women unattractive.


  17. And here I am just thinking that I am ugly, and nope that’s not it! lol Jk. I think this list is great and a lot of women need to hear it.


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