No, You Aren’t a Better Woman and NO, He’s Not Gonna Change!

Occasionally, on social media– let me rephrase– quite often on social media, I stumble across a meme, a quote, or a post that makes me stop and pause– sometimes I literally scratch my head– but not for the reasons you might think.  I wish it were because these blurb’s are insightful, or provoking with their candor and clever wit, but no.  Most of the time it’s the opposite; these posts are lacking: no wisdom, no critical thinking, and worst of all, no old fashioned common sense.

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When my happy scrolling is interrupted by dumbness!

Just the other day, I stumbled upon one such post.  The author was excited about having secured her masculine counterpart and was particularly proud.  How wonderful I thought, at first, until she went on to explain why some women (like her) get the good men, and others are forced to pick the leftover duds!  Now, I’ve paraphrased and cleaned up the language, but, she basically explained it like this: “Men aren’t the same with everybody!!  A man could be a bum with one woman, but a whole boss with somebody else, all because that’s the kind of motivation and positivity she put into him. He could be a cheater with you, but be faithful with the next female, because with her, he’s more secure.  Females need to realize that sometimes they aren’t as good as they think they are; you have to come to the table with more than just good sex!”

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Just take me now!!!

Okay, here’s the thing– I’m definitely a lover of  great advice, especially from those who speak from personal experience.  Nevertheless, I just couldn’t connect the dots of this post.  By the author’s reasoning, men are like shape shifters; able to change substance and form depending on the woman he’s with– sort of  like magic.  Funny thing is, I have yet to see this trick done.  I’ve never known a bum of a man to just stop being lazy or shiftless, simply because he met a woman who isn’t.  All of the bums I know (figuratively speaking) tend to attract their bum counterparts, and the two become a bum couple made in heaven (also figuratively speaking).   I don’t know of these male cinderella, I mean, Minderella stories, where men find women who are so put together, so on top of their game, and so encouraging that they can make a rag of a man rich.  What I have witnessed, on the contrary, are women who thought they could bring a man up, only to get emotionally, physically and financially brought down!  What an avoidable situation.

Sadly, however, countless women keep falling for this ridiculousness and I have a my own theory as to why; It’s the elders, and how their wisdom is missing from this generation.  Where are the Grandma’s and Great Aunts and Uncles– the ones who actually knew enough to give us good common sense?  I’ll tell where they are: the epidemic and rise of teen pregnancies, starting in the 1950’s caused the retired, cookie baking Grandmas to vanish.  What we’re left with now are the Glamma’s who love reality tv and who proclaim that, “mama’s still gotta live!”  This shift has hurt us as a culture tremendously.

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What Grandma?  Tell me…..

See, my own Grandmother lived three full lives before I was even a thought: her pre-children days, her time as a married woman, and her gun toting, barmaid life as a single mother.  My Grandmother definitely had stories!  “What comes out of a man is already inside” was one of her favorite lines, or she’d say, “girl, you’ll have better luck watchin’ a pig fly than you will tryin’ to change a man!”   Her words were jewels to me, but her life experiences actually made them bond.  My Grandfather thought enough of my Grandmother to marry her and give her six children, but he was a cheater who ultimately left.  Somehow, he never shapeshifted and became faithful to the subsequent women after her.  There was no Minderella story and no magic either!  My Grandfather was just who he was!

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Say what now?

With that said, I want to do my part to channel the wise elders and the heavenly Grandmas, who I believe want me to lovingly call “bullsh*t” in their names; they want me to tell women everywhere to “wake up!”   A loser, a liar, an habitual cheater, a man who is already married, a man who can’t  keep a job, who is abusive in any way, or who is trying to get his life together for the umpteenth time– is who he is in spite of the woman he’s with, not because of the woman he’s with!  The Grandma’s also want me to tell you that you are not a better woman, just different, and that the odds are not likely that a grown man will change.  Nope, not even for wonderful ol’ you!

As for the author of the post,  I’d love to check back in a few years.   I’m assuming that this guy is a reformed scrub, so it would be wonderful to see that his rehabilitation stuck.  Moreover, If their love story is still going strong and she was in fact, able to nurture her man from bum-dom to greatness, she would be privy to a superpower that could change the world; so, I’d definitely want to hear more about that.  I would also not be opposed to eating my own words.  I mean, sure, I’ve never seen anything like it, but it doesn’t mean it can’t happen.  The Minderellal Effect could be a new phenomenon that proceeded the wise Grandma’s and I might be the one who’s behind the times.  Anything’s possible right?  Until I know for sure, though, I think I’ll just stick with the wisdom of my Grandma.  So far, it’s worked wise wonders for me.

Tell us what you think?  Is this generation lacking common sense.  If you think so, tell us why?  We want to hear from you!

21 Replies to “No, You Aren’t a Better Woman and NO, He’s Not Gonna Change!”

  1. I too would love to see how the author of the ‘changing man with type of woman he is’ is after say a year! Probably the guy has left her for some more sensible person. As for the younger generation, I find that they do not need guidance or advice as they feel they know it all. Most also depend on Google to give them the answers. When Google says it, then its right but when wise family members or friends tell them then its called interference.

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  2. Why women feel they will change a man who has failed so horribly on another I will never know.

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  3. Always enjoy reading your posts Kisha cause you know how to keep it real! Ladies beware! What he did to the other chick he will do to you cause you ain’t special.

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  4. Mindrella!! lol. I love the way you have used humor to make your point.

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  5. Great content. I definitely agree with that. They really should want to change too. The question is how would they want it. 😘

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  6. I’ve never heard of this brand, but your in-depth review made me interested. Seems like an affordable option for quality outdoor television..

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  7. I find this post quite interesting! You have put it together so aptly. I agree that this generation needs the wisdom of our elderly ladies. But the point is until and unless men themselves want to change, we can hardly work on it. Great post altogether.

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  8. Nice post! We can help a man to change for the better version of himself or herself by supporting and having faith with them that they can.

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  9. OMG! You are so on point with this post. The title says it all. I completely agree with you. You can’t make no body change…they have to want to change or they won’t.

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  10. Your grandma sounds just like mine! Girl power is a necessity these days.

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  11. I’m not a fan of these generalizing memes. They can be fun or empowering or thought-provoking for a moment. But they rarely apply to the complex situation a person is dealing with. I don’t want to make a judgement if one generation is wiser than another – just because I think there are wise and simple people in all generations. But I DO believe that life experience brings wisdom, especially if one is willing to think critically. It sounds like your grandma had all that in spades!

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  12. Your grandmother sounds like a very wise woman. I have had my fair share of trying to change a man. After 16 years and constantly being hurt, I finally said it was enough. He can do him, I will do me. As long as we can come together for our daughters, that is all I care about.

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  13. I believe that the disconnect between the youth of today and the older generation is why there is not only no common sense but also a lack of respect for others and themselves.

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  14. Oh yes! This post is absolutely ON point! You can say that again and again girl!

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  15. I believe you can change a man, but it gonna take a lot of time and work. It isn’t easy and not something that always can be done.

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  16. This generation is definitely lacking common sense. The common values are skewed because they focus on cheap thrills rather then substance.

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  17. You have the absolute right to be upset with what this woman posted, I definitely don’t agree with her, the reasoning itself is shallow and lacks any substance.

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  18. Loved this post. I am with you I would love to see how the Mindrella love story plays out. I was humming K. Michelle’s “Can’t Raise a Man” as I read your post 😉

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    1. LOL! Man, that is definitely a fitting song for this post. I need to start giving my posts theme music– you’re the second person to put that into my head! BTW, I wanna see a true Minderella story myself– if you ever learn of any, send them my way for an interview!

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